


Everything about you

by Autisticpunk13



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Chill - Ned Vizinni
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Squip, Angst and Feels, Autism, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, How Do I Tag, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 03:02:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16359476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Autisticpunk13/pseuds/Autisticpunk13
Summary: It's Jeremy's second date with Christine, and it's not really like Michael has the right to be jealous. Jeremy's having a great time with his girlfriend, and Michael's home alone on a Friday, trying not to cry. Until Jeremy calls.





	1. This night is wild, so calm and dull

**Author's Note:**

> Both Michael and Jeremy are autistic, it just isn't mentioned much until the second chapter.

It's not like Michael has any right to be jealous, really. Jeremy wasn't his, no matter how much Michael wanted him to be. 

And it's not Christine's fault either, she's great, honestly. She deserves someone like Jeremy. Someone sweet, and kind, and funny, and cute. Someone he could never have. 

It's Michael's fault for not telling Jeremy earlier, for letting Jeremy slip away. It's his fault that he's home alone, hiding in his bathroom and crying, just like Halloween. He shouldn't be crying. He should be happy for Jeremy. He's on his second date with the girl of his dreams, and he's not with a loser like Michael.

God, he's pathetic. Of course Jeremy wants more than just him, of course Jeremy wants friends that don't freak out all the time, of course Jeremy wants a girlfriend. Jeremy would never love him the same way. Even before the Squip, Michael knew that Jeremy wasn't happy with what he had. 

Michael thought he might have a chance that morning when Jeremy left the hospital, when Jeremy spent the whole day next to Michael, sleepily cuddling and apologizing for what he did, telling Michael about how much he means to him. But Michael took the cowardly way out and hid his true feelings. 

It's not like Jeremy would be hate him for being gay, Jeremy already knows he's gay. He just... Michael doesn't want to mess up the best thing he's got. Especially since he just got Jeremy back. 

His ringtone cuts through his thoughts. Only three people call him, and both of his moms are home right now, so that leaves Jeremy. He picks up the phone, wiping the tears from his eyes and hoping his voice sounds normal. 

“Hey Jer, what's up? Thought your date wasn't gonna be over until like, 8?” 

“Yeah, well, uh, some stuff happened, and I kinda need you to pick me up? My dad's not picking up his phone.” Jeremy sounds a bit choked, like he's trying not to cry.

“Yeah, where are you?” 

“outside of that italian restaurant by the arcade. It also just started raining.” 

“Alrighty, I'll be there in a flash.” Michael chuckled, hanging up. Although, he did wonder what happened with Jeremy and Christine. Oh well, he'd probably find out soon. Jeremy liked to talk when he was sad, he didn't isolate himself like Michael did. 

“I'm taking the car, I'll be right back!” he yells down the hall as he walks to the front door, grabbing the keys and his shoes.

“Where are you going?” mamá yells, in her usual overprotective way. 

“I'm just picking up Jeremy, I'll be back soon!” He's already halfway out the door, fingers closed around the doorknob. 

“Okay! Be safe! Love you!” 

“Love you too Mamá!” Michael closes the door behind himself, and goes to pick up Jeremy. 

A short drive later, he's stopped in front of the restaurant Jeremy described, but he can't see him. It is raining pretty hard, maybe he went inside, the rational part of his brain says. But he's already worrying. Pulling his phone out, he calls Jeremy. 

Three rings later, Jeremy finally picks up. 

“Hey Jer, I'm outside the restaurant, get your dorky ass out here.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I'll be out in a minute. I was just hiding from the rain in the arcade.” 

“Alright, I see you. Hurry up dude.” Jeremy hangs up, walking fast as he can through the rain. He climbs in, slamming the door as he gets in. Michael makes sure they're both buckled, (safety first kids!) and then he drives off. 

Jeremy's quiet for the first few minutes, while Dashboard Confessional plays from softly from the car stereo. Michael tries not to look over at him too much, he really does. But Jeremy's eyes are red and puffy, like he's been crying, and he's fidgeting like he does before he has a meltdown, and finally Michael says something. 

“So...um, what happened?” Hey, tact was never of Michael's many talents. 

“Christine... Christine uh, she broke up with me.” Jeremy wipes his eyes, sniffling sadly. “She...she said we weren't going to work, and that she wants to see other people. She said I wasn't what she needed. I don't even know what that means!” He curls his hands into fists, and Michael can tell he's trying to hold back a major meltdown.

Michael pulls over, stopping the car so he can actually comfort him. He turns to Jeremy, climbing over the center console and squeezing next to him. 

“Hey, I've got you. I'm here for you.” He gently grabs Jeremy's wrists, setting them in his lap. It's hard, he knows he shouldn't be happy that Jeremy just broke up with the girl of his dreams, but.. “do you want to keep talking about it?” Jeremy nods slowly, trying to compose himself. 

“She said she didn't really like me, not like I liked her, but she thought she did, and she was just trying to let me down easy, and... and she said she liked someone else. She said she only liked me as a friend, and, and then she just left.” Sometime while Jeremy was talking, Michael had started rubbing his thumbs on Jeremy's hands, in small circles. Physical touch always helped Jeremy calm down. They sit in mostly comfortable silence for a few minutes, until Jeremy speaks again. 

“Do...do you think there's something wrong with me? Do you think she doesn't like me because…” 

“Jer, if she doesn't like you the way you are, she's not good enough for you, okay? You are fine, just the way you are.” Jeremy nods again, leaning his head on Michael's shoulder. “Everything about you, from your fidgets to your acne scars to your messy hair, is awesome, alright? And if anyone doesn't agree, they can fight me.” 

Jeremy giggles a little at that, a kind of choked-off noise that could either be a laugh or a sob. Michael hopes it's a laugh. 

“At least I've got you Micah.” 

“Hell yeah. Wanna go back to my house and watch shitty movies until we fall asleep?” 

“Yes.”


	2. Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at Michael's house. This is mostly just a fluff/filler chapter before we get to the good stuff. Sorry. 
> 
> And I know this is like, super-duper late, but I am really busy and I've been super sick lately. I'm sorry, I hope this chapter kinda makes up for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I'm a sucker for really bad old horror movies and this fic is just me projecting onto these boys do why not. 
> 
> Also this part is from Jeremy's point of view. It might be a little jumbled and mixed up, Jeremy's had a rough night. 
> 
> Some self-hatred in this chapter and some internalized ableism.

Back at Michael's, I try to keep my mind off of Christine. I focus as hard as I can on the movie, which is some early 80s slasher about some kids at a sleepaway camp getting murdered in various gruesome ways. 

It's not working. 

I move around from my spot on the floor, making myself as small as possible. It's calming for me, to push myself into small spaces and feel the pressure on my body. I bring my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them and pressing hard on my legs where my hands rest. Michael, sitting next to me, notices and looks at me. 

"Do you want me to stop the movie?" He's concerned. I'm not very good at recognizing emotions through someone's tone, but with Michael it's easier. I've known him for so long. I nod my head no. I'm not paying attention, and I haven't been for the past few minutes, but the background noise of it is helping, a little bit. 

My mind still races, repeating what Christine said only hours ago. I can't stop thinking about how she said "we're just.... too different. I... we wouldn't be a good couple, Jeremy. I really do want to stay friends, but, nothing more." What did she mean by "too different?" 

My mind answers. "You know what she meant by "too different", don't you Jeremy? She meant too weird. Too anti-social. Too loud, too fidgety, too sensitive, too different." I do know what my brain is thinking, but she would never break up with me just because I am autistic and showed symptoms, would she? Would she? She's too nice for that, right? Right?

"Do you....need me to get anything?" I nod no again. He taps his fingers on the floor, in a simple tune. 1 and 2 and 3 and 4, and 1 and 2 and 3 and 4. I try to focus on that, that basic tune, long enough to at least try to say something. The hand that's not tapping against the floor rubs the seam of his hoodie collar, back and forth, back and forth. 

"hug?" Is all I'm able to get out, but Michael understands. Michael always understands. He pulls himself towards me, gently removing my arms and legs and moving my head so it leans against his chest. His arms wrap around my back, pressing tightly and pulling me closer towards him. My hands ball up in the fabric of his hoodie, feeling the worn fabric. My head, pressed into his shoulder, doesn't stop racing, but it slows down.

"Okay, focus on my breathing okay?" I try to. In, out. In, out. "Hey, you've got this. You've dealt with worse shutdowns than this. And I'm here to help, alright? You've got this." I nod against his shoulder, too drained to look up at Michael. 

In a few minutes, I slowly let go of Michael, and he lets go off me in return, but stays close. Close enough that I can feel him gently rocking next to me whenever something happens onscreen. Michael rocks almost all the time. He rocks on his feet when he's standing, moving from his heel to his toes and back. He rocks when he's sitting down, on the floor like now, leaning a little forward with a small smile. He rocks in chairs, pushing the chair back and forth slowly and gently. It's comforting. Everything about Michael is comforting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're watching the first Sleepaway Camp movie. It's kinda sucky, but it feels like something these two would like. 
> 
> kudos or comment if you enjoyed this trash pile that I wrote at midnight. This is absolutely not proofread, so if I made a grammar or spelling mistake please tell me.


End file.
